Most gay men are already aware of the need to adopt safer sex to avoid HIV transmission. And people with even just a little experience of SM realise that many SM scenes require skills on a par with learning to drive a car.

Established groups such as SM Gays have dedicated themselves to providing education on the techniques of safe SM sex. And experienced tops and bottoms are often sought out by novices eager to learn the joys of bondage or corporal punishment or serious master and slave games.

But on the way to meeting the SM Master or slave of your dreams there is a third area of safety which people often forget. This is personal safety.

SM is about trust. You need to trust someone if you are going to relax and give up control of your body (and possibly its most intimate functions) to him. And there will always be a first time – the first SM scene you have with a new man – when you know little about him. You can’t jump the ladder and have a second scene first. And if you’re worried that he might go beyond your limits or rob you or injure you then you won’t enjoy the scene, and neither will he.


So how do you make sure you can trust

that new man of your dreams?

Whether you meet your new partner through a contact ad, in a bar, on the Internet or on a telephone chatline, a few simple precautions will deter the dubious and reassure the rest.

For a start you will of course have discussed safer sex. How can you relax when he ties you up, gags you and threatens to fuck you rotten if you haven’t first established that he knows and practises safer sex.

The next step is to make sure that he is identifiable.


So what do you do?

Rule number One. If you meet a man in a bar make sure you’re
seen leaving with him. Introduce him to friends. If you don’t
know anyone in the bar, flash him conspicuously in front of the bar staff. A cheery “Goodnight then. Look who I’ve just found to play with.” will draw attention to you and him. More important, it will alert him to the fact that he is identifiable. And if he’s also aware of the need for personal safety precautions
he’ll happily wave to them and say “Aren’t I the lucky one” making sure that they know who he has got off with as well.

When going out to play with someone new, leave his address and phone number with a friend or by your phone at home. If he’s coming to your place, introduce him to flatmates first, or give his details to a friend if you live alone. Again, make sure your new playmate knows that you have done this and that therefore he’s identifiable.

Any safe trustworthy SMer will not mind you taking such precautions and would probably be taking them himself. The guy who always insists on coming over to your place, always rings you and never trusts you with his phone number or address can’t expect you to trust him with something even more precious – your personal safety. He may live with his eavesdropping grandmother but if he can’t trust you not to use the phone number he’s
given you why should you trust him with your body?

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